Dad

My dad died. At some point I know I will be able to articulate that better. I’m still not really sure how to tell people that Mac isn’t around any longer. He died. Suddenly, horrifically. I’ve been spared much of the immediate pain, it has fallen entirely to my beautiful, kind, generous Doobs to deal with, my darling Biggus Sissus. I’ve just been thinking a lot about Dad this weekend. Because this is exactly the type of weekend that Dad & I would have spent an afternoon having lunch together, getting gradually down units of alcohol, arguing, telling each other to fuck off, then him teaching me how to do crosswords, and being so kind, so encouraging, so proud when I got a clue right. Eventually I would have tottered off home, having poured him into a taxi, having seen how out of breath just the 10 yard walk would make him. Then I’d get a text from him ‘hoho make, safely home. Love you to bits.’ I miss him. I miss him so much. I miss my dad. I regret every time I didn’t let him know how much I loved him, I regret not telling him to fuck off more, I regret not just holding his hand that little bit longer. I regret not protecting him, when I should have done. But I look out across the people I know, and so many people are only families because of what Dad did. He had his children, his family, his friends who made me laugh so much at the wake. But he changed so many lives with what he did, and that is his legacy. I just miss him so much. Hoho make. Safely home. Love you to bits.