Thursday, 26 June 2014

This is a low

     I feel a bit like I’ve made myself a hostage to fortune this week. Because of writing about happiness being a choice, and not giving a toss about what other people think of me. But I was right when I said I will always be honest. I have a confession.

     I feel rubbish. I have done for nearly two weeks. There’s not obvious reason for it, nothing’s happened, nothing hasn’t happened, I just feel incredibly low. I feel stupid, boring, insignificant and useless. I keep asking myself what am I doing with my life? And the answer really is nothing. I’m doing nothing. Twatty blogging and that’s pretty much it. I’m making no contribution to anything. I’m not working, I’m not studying, I’m not volunteering. I’m just sitting at home. Doing nothing. And all around me, people seem to be achieving so much more, being so much more talented, intelligent, and interesting.


     I’m not fishing for compliments. I don’t want people to swoop in and lovebomb me. Because even if you did, I wouldn’t believe you. It’s not to do with anyone else. It’s just me. I feel rubbish. Writing’s not going well, blogging’s rubbish, and I don’t have much else going for  me. I know this is temporary. I’ve felt like this before, and it will pass. But right now, I feel rubbish. And that’s all there is to say.

5 comments:

Sam said...

I'd say writing was going pretty well after that last post and that's not me blowing smoke up (hmm, I don't know where I'm going with that expression :-/ ) well 'love-bombing' - as a reader I have an opinion and blogging may be twatty, but I'm a blogger and for me it's as relevant as any other form of media in this brave new world of t'internet. (And in some cases way *more* relevant ;) ) X

Anonymous said...

What Sam said... and for what it's worth, I know this low feeling very well, and I know you'll dismiss the positive feedback until you're in a better place to accept it, but I for one look forward to the email I get when you blog, because I know that once I make the time for myself to read your latest offering I will always enjoy it, whether funny or sad - you write extremely well, IMO xx

Lucy Benedict said...

Thank you, both of you. Just feel so very low right now, and nothing seems to make it go away. Haven't wanted to admit it or acknowledge it, but it's there. Lost all confidence, and feeling very sorry for myself. It'll go.

Maisie moo said...

This is exactly how I am feeling right now and have been for the past couple of weeks. I don't know how to get out of this mental and emotional slump I am in, but try to find brief moments of happiness in silly pictures of bears acting like humans or cute videos of toddlers arguing with dogs. (I blame Metro!) But then I realise I have done absolutely nothing with my day and I'm back to feeling useless. Urgh.

I hope you find your way back on to a high and that you hold on to it.

Your Twitter conversations with @TheHappyG when I see them pop up on my timeline always make me laugh! You seem like a genuinely nice person and I hope you feel more like yourself again soon :)

Lucy Benedict said...

Maisie, that was a lovely thing to read, thank you! I feel better than I did - I sort of realised that being as insignificant as I am means I have nothing to lose. But there's no motivation to do anything, same as how you feel. It's rubbish. And it doesn't matter what other good things happen, because fundamentally, I feel like nothing compared to people around me. But I'm laughing again. Maybe that high is just around the corner?